Choice

In my earlier years I had a lot of anxiety, the need for control, I needed to know what would happen next and if anything “got in the way” of my predicted plan...

That’s when the collapse set it.

Mind blank

Crippling Dread

The sweaty elephant on the chest

Logically I knew it didn’t make any sense after the fact but my body and brain would get hijacked anyway.

Added in with the need to fit in and be seen as “normal” so the eyes were off me created quite the clusterfuck loop of anxiety.

I’ve always seen and experienced the world differently and that felt to me as being an outsider.

I fought this for a long time

At the root, this is what the anxiety was.

I couldn’t trust myself because I wasn’t being myself.

I needed to know what would happen next because I didn’t know who I was.

I wanted to fit in and be accepted by others because I wasn’t in my body and accepting of who I was.

The less I tried to assimilate with the other and meet the expectations of the world the grip of anxiety slowly became weaker until it was released.

Freedom from all types of emotional distress whether it’s stress, trauma, depression, anger, guilt... is created by remembering who and what you are.

This recognition of self potentates the field for the deepest forms of joy, expression, creation

And the possibility of choice.